Finding Forgiveness
by Klokateer0920
Summary: Use of the "F" word and other such explictives in this particular fic. Please review. {second fic on this site}


She checked the locks one last time, making sure the door would not be opening any time soon. Now content, she turned, pulling the warm leather of her light brown trench coat tighter around her in attempt to keep warm.

It was nice outside, if you were to somehow block out the polluted smell of the city. Gas fumes and the smoke from the factories mixed were like fucking mustard gas.

She pulled a crochet scarf over her face, leaving it loose enough to breathe, tight enough to block some of the horrid fumes as she made way to the mall. Why she had chose the mall was beyond current train of thought, especially considering that her painting supplies usually came from the store downtown. It had the best, and she only trusted the best when it came to her paintings.

After minutes of walking, she found herself in the presence of many metallic machines. "Cars, Devi. You know, the thing you 'should' have, but don't?"

Sighing once more the now distraught female made her way forward, dark purple locks of hair falling over her eyes. It had been awhile since she'd gotten it cut, and she needed to consider doing so, for her hair was nearly down to her shoulders again. She could put it in pigtails, something she hadn't been able to do for about three years.

She gave a light frown. Perhaps change was good though. _"Maybe I could let it grow all the way down to my ass_..." She thought silently as she leaned forward onto the glass doors, entering the mall through the highly used food court entrance. "_Then he wouldn't notice me anymore... and maybe he'd start leaving me be..."_Skimming the stores of the mall was something she liked to do. It just seemed interesting to see all of the new stores that came into being. She rarely visited this place, especially after the last visit. She shivered lightly, whether it be from fear or cold she did not know, heading forward.

She peered into the store "Bath and Body Works," a curious expression played upon her features. The many aromas of the different scents would give her a migraine if she stayed too long, but this was one store she hadn't taken the time to visit before, so she decided to do so now. The mall had three hours before closing time, the paint Shoppe would wait. She stepped inside, shrugging off the greeting by the cheerful salesclerk as she began to gaze around at all the neatly crafted valentines packages and tiny little bottles of lotions, perfumes, bath oils, and soaps.

She lifted one package into her hand, a nicely wrapped bag of black and purple material. Inside was a dark blue candle, "Freesia Passion". It smelled quite nice, actually. She examined the other things inside of the bag. Some bath oil, "Lavender Vanilla", some lotion, "Oceantide", a dark purple bar of soap titled "Cranberry Bliss", and a little bottle of fingernail polish which seemed to be swirls of purple with black chips inside.

She arched a brow slightly, finding this a bit morbid to be in a Bath and Body Works store, especially around Valentines Day, but shrugged it off none the less and held the neatly wrapped package to her chest, deciding to purchase it for herself. Perhaps instead of painting a nice relaxing bath would do her some good. She hoped, anyway.

After purchasing her gift and heading back outside onto the crowded sidewalk she came upon the conclusion that this would be her Valentines present to herself. The first she'd gotten, whether it be for her from herself, or from someone else entirely, in quite a few years.

Sighing, she looked to the brown bag in her arms, her treasure resting peacefully inside.

"Happy Valentines Day Devi."

She was alarmed, however, at the fact that she had thought that to herself in silence, and somehow it had managed to come out aloud in the voice of a male. She slowly turned on her heel, whimpering softly to herself. She knew that voice all to well.

Out of the alleyway next to her came a male, tall and slender with sloppy black hair. Twp piercing blue eyes met hers, though she quickly lowered her gaze. "Travis?" She whispered quietly, backing up a few feet, stopping when her boot heel met the curb.

"Mhm, though I'm amazed you still remember my name after you took the time to, oh, stand me up and all."

Devi looked confused, though her response was cut short when a knife was drawn from the guys boot. "_Oh fuck... oh fuck..." _she thought to herself. "_Deja Vu... major deja vu..."_

Before she could make a move to defend herself, however, another thin male seemed to soar out of the alleyway, flattening the man on the ground. The newer, more thin male took the knife from the one dubbed "Travis'" hand and clunked him upside the head with it, the male passing out seconds after.

Devi was now in a whirlwind of confusion, but that was soon after replaced by fear when she realized who her rescuer was.

"'Nny?" she asked quietly, stepping back. Forgetting she had been nearly off the curb to begin with, the last step she took to back away from Johnny landed her flat on her ass, lying on the highway. Johnny took a step forward to help her up, but she scrambled away, hugging her bag to her chest.

"_Fuck..." _she thought._"Fucking maniac... and damn it... I think I broke my fucking shoulder..."_

"Let me help." he said quietly. His voice was more hoarse and rasp than she ever remembered it to be. There was something different about him from their last encounter. Well, the last one she'd seen him face-to-face at, which was the bookstore. He seemed about as thin as usual, those two stalks of blackish-blue tinted hair still there. He must have liked that hairstyle, she figured, because he never made an effort to change it.

"Help what... slaughter the fuck out of me?" she yelped, scrambling to her feet, hurrying forward and past him just in time to miss a semi and a couple cars. A shrill noise was emitted from one of the cars passing by; a horn, Devi figured. She had been lying in the middle of the road, after all.

Johnny gave a sigh of defeat, that and nothing more. Devi turned to look at him, breathing hard and covered in sweat. He looked like such an innocent child standing there. His fingers were intertwined with one another, resting before him. His eyes were rounding, watery, as if he could cry then and there. The same tatty clothes adorned him as usual, the boots, the shirt with an undershirt, and those damn things that she couldn't figure out for the life of her if they were shorts with long socks, pants, or shorts with pants on underneath.

Either way, something then and there melted her, and she decided, only with a bottle of mace at hand, to give him another try. Not necessarily another chance, but a talk... at her place this time. Those Styrofoam things creeped her out. The bub's burger boy would probably be no different.

The walk home was quiet. Since she hadn't bothered to bring along her purse; a rather major accomplishment for the girl, though not one that would be done again so soon considering what happened this time...

She'd need those mace bottles, she figured.

Taking a deep breath, Devi held out one trembling hand, peering over her shoulder. "Stay... back. Right there. Don't move..."

Johnny merely nodded, saying nothing, ceasing all movement right where she had asked for him too. Devi jabbed a hand into the pocket of her coat, withdrawing the single keychain that held her apartment key on it, and jabbed it into the lock, turning it with a satisfying "click". Johnny watched as she did this, and couldn't help but notice that there were two extra locks on her door. An aftermath of him, he figured, as all of her paranoid faults obviously were. She then proceeded to the next key, jarring him from his thoughts as she unlocked the lock after the first, and then unlocking the deadbolt above that. Once all three were unlocked, she stepped inside, and then motioned for Johnny to follow her.

He did so, both hands resting inside the warm leathery material of his overcoat. He cast a glance around the tiny apartment, smiling serenely. Paintings, about fifteen of them, adorned the walls. Small, medium, large, there was about one of each size on each wall and then some. Some were hers and others were purchased, that of which he figured because they still had price tags in the upper left corner.

They were all extraordinary, he noticed, and the half-finished one resting on the canvas in the middle of the room was no exception. He loved how she blended her colors, it was so... amazing, for lack of a better word.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Devi questioned as she hung her coat over the small wooden coat rack behind the door, holding the bag from the B&BW store in the mall close to her chest as she proceeded for the sofa, motioning for him to follow.

She had gotten big on hand motions, he noted.

"I like the paintings..." he responded quietly, following behind at a slow pace."They're very nice."

She nodded, uttering a simple "Thanks." in response as she plopped down onto the cushiony material of the couch, the scent of lavender raising from within it somewhere. Silence. For the longest time, the two were graced by silence, that and nothing more, until Johnny broke this coveted silence.

"Why did you let me come here?" Johnny asked quietly, curious.

"Because, I figure it's time we talk..." Devi responded, sighing softly as she placed the bag on the wooden coffee table before the two, wringing her fingers together. She took in a deep breath, then exhaled, and thus began what she'd wanted to say for a long time. He watched her as she did this, studying her expressions, trying to find some kind of hint somewhere in her actions that she may be willing to forgive him. None were present.

"Johnny..." she began."I cannot begin to express how terrified I am of you. You scare me, so much... the thought of you is enough to bring me to tears." she paused, taking a sharp breath and closed her eyes, then began once more. "And you know why that is. You fucking tried to kill me, you tried to kill me... and that, that is enough to make anyone avoid you. I want to trust you, but I can't..." Another pause, a sharp breath inhaled, and her eyes fluttered open, studying the silhouette of the boy. He seemed so wary, so sad, so... needy, almost.

"Letting you come here was stupid on my part, but I needed to talk to you because this has been killing me inside. Not leaving the house, being in constant fear of everyone and everything, wondering when you're going to show up next with a knife in hand wanting to "Immortalize the moment..." You seemed so nice, 'Nny, so sweet. You treated me like a fucking human being instead of some "girl" worth nothing more than a passing glance to you, and that made me feel wanted, it really did. Made me feel loved, even. I wanted nothing more than to spend my time with you, be around you, get to know you more, maybe be that one girl that you /wanted/ to be around, the one girl that maybe you could someday feel you /loved/. I still want to be that, and yet at the same time, I know I can't because love isn't living in constant fear of the person you are with. I want to believe deep down inside that you haven't changed, even though I know you've been trying... and why? I want to believe that you didn't change for me because if I believe you are still a fucked up psychotic mass fucking murderer then I'll never love you, I'll still fear you, but if I begin to realize you've changed then I'll want you... and wanting you is a bad thing, Johnny. It's a bad thing."

She shivered lightly, tears nipping at the corners of her eyes as she continued on with what she felt needed said. "It's a bad thing because no matter how much I try, I'm afraid of you. Afraid that you'll either kill me, or worse, break my heart, and I don't want that."

Johnny leaned forward, sighing somewhat, resting one open palm on his knee, then placing his chin in that open palm. "Your feelings," he began. "Are more than understandable. No, I do not deserve a second chance from you, in all aspects, but I seek one, and the reasons I seek one I am sure you know." He lifted his gaze from the floor to her. "I want another chance to prove to you that, yes, I may not be all together "there", but that doesn't change the fact of the matter that I am in love with you, and I always will be. There is no-one on this earth that matters more to me than you. Devi, all I ask is that you give me a chance to prove that I am not as fucked up as you think me to be, and that I do have feelings... please?" He dropped his gaze back to the all too fake wooden floor.

"I'm not asking you to marry me, not asking you to be my girlfriend, not even asking you to ever date me again... I just want for us to be on good terms again, Devi. Please. That is all I ask. I think I deserve at least that, don't you? Please?" There was where he stopped, even though so much more could have been said, he felt that he had met the extent of what he needed to say.

Devi, whom had been listening in silence, lifted one slender hand to her face to wipe a tear, hidden by stringy locks of dark purple hair. "I want to be more than friends..." she said quietly."If... if... you'll let me..." Giving in, she thought. Something she never figured she'd do, especially to the guy who tried to claim her life.

A small smile, faint and barely noticeable but there none the less formed on the wary lad's face. "Really? So does this mean you're giving me another chance?"

Devi smiled lightly, giving one faint nod. Somehow she knew that even if things didn't work out between them, this was one of the best choices she had ever made in her life, and that even if something bad would come out of it, it was a choice she'd never regret.


End file.
